Please, Fill my Bucket

A few months ago, my 1st grader came home from school and said, "That Sally! She is a real bucket filler!" I learned that her teacher was reading "Have You Filled a Bucket Today?" with the class. This simple book uses the metaphor of "filling someones happiness bucket," through being kind, and other positive behavior. Conversely, negative or what I like to call "rotten" behavior can empty, or dip, into someone's bucket. I recently was thinking about this concept of buckets, when I read a blog article titled Let's Stop the Glorification of Busy, by Guy Kawasaki; where he summarizes the advice and feedback that Arianna Huffington provides in her  new book; Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-being, Wisdom, and Wonder. This book centers around some key things, all of us can do, to truly achieve and feel success.  For me, the single most important tip that Ms Huffington provides is "Redefine success"

Unlike the happiness bucket that my daughter's 1st grade class learned about, success, for many, comes in two buckets: Personal and Career. Many of us will spending our whole adult life trying to find balance in this. We try to have two, evenly measured buckets.

While this is the goal, the evidence shows that few us feel that we have accomplished this. A study done in 2006 by the Corporate Executive Board (CEB) showed that 56% of Americans felt that they had a good work/life balance; which in turn, I would contest, delivers good success in both buckets. This number plummeted to 30% in 2009.  In reality, we find that our buckets are vastly different, more like these: One is small, with some change in it, while the other is full of $100 bills.

Other bloggers, authors and industry experts tell us this is the way it is. Women in particular are being told, "oops, we had it wrong...you can NOT have it all."  However, Ms Huffington's call to redefine success, for me, is a battle cry to get rid of the two buckets! We need Single Bucket Success. We need to take our goal setting sessions out of just the board room or the kitchen table and bring them together into one set of goals. The challenge? We equate this with compromise and sacrifice - however, I challenge you to do neither; rather follow Ms Huffington's advise: REDEFINE. Here are some simple ideas

Brain Dump - Start by dumping all your ideas around success onto a piece of paper or create a vision board. Don't separate personal and career - write down everything; title, money, family, vacations, career moves, etc. Be specific - don't just say "happy family" define, what is the happy family; who does that involve, what does it look like? Prioritize - Looking at your list, go back and circle your top five priorities. Use your gut. What things on that page would you consider to be absolutes; the core of how you define success? If you can not narrow it down to five, go to six or seven, but be tough on yourself. Realize that the more items you prioritize, the less you can devote to each one. There is only 100% to give, so you can devote 20% to each metric of success, or 17%, the choice is yours.  This list of five is your Single Bucket Success Marinate -  I used to have a boss that needed "marinate" on new things for a few days - this  meant he had to think, process, come up with thoughts, and get back to me. Do this with your Single Bucket Success. You may begin to feel some angst as your bucket comes in conflict with old thought processes. Perhaps this new combined list requires you to turn off the smartphone every night at 5:00; or not volunteer on the PTO at your kids' school this upcoming year. Don't stress about this angst....marinate over it. Think it through. If you need to adjust, do so. However, don't adjust by just adding to the list. The only way to add to the list is to take something else off! Your list should create passionate responses from you. Think of a new parent talking about their newborn, there is a fire and twinkle in their eyes that is uncompromising. Your Single Bucket Success is the core of what defines you. It should recreate that same passion! Commit and Share -  Now that you have defined your Single Bucket Success, commit to it. Part of this commitment process is to share with those around you; especially your family and your boss. It is also important to get their buy-in and commitment. This can be a tricky conversation, especially if your boss and/or your spouse/partner feel that your success does not put their priorities in the forefront. It may be best to first review these priorities with a mentor or coach; get their feedback and role play your conversation with them. Align Your Goals - Now that you have defined your Single Bucket Success, all goals should be align with this vision; meaning you shouldn't have personal or professional goals that are at odds with how you define success. Every opportunity that you are presented with, every rung on the ladder should be evaluated in tangent to your Single Bucket Success. In this past, this is where the scarfice would come into play. However, now that you redefined success, orities, it becomes easier. Because you are now defining your success around the concepts that create passion - the choices are simple.

So, get rid of the two buckets, and start thinking of your life in one piece, not two different segments. Realize that this process may take a while, may be difficult, but eventually you will reap great rewards. It is significantly easier to fill one bucket, over and over, then to try to evenly spread between two!